For Those About To Do Something Foolish...

...We salute you.

Oh, call it a sense of being compelled, call it foolhardiness, call it Ishamael for all I care.

Not since those days of yore have I felt the need to state my feelings to someone so strongly. For those in the dark, "those days of yore" refer to my days in the United States Army. Not since then have I felt for someone as I do right now, I didn't even feel this way about the mother of my child, which sounds unfair but then again, there you go. Life is just that way sometimes.

For the record:

I am very much drunk on really fine scots whisky.

I initially fell head over heels in love with Drisana's identical twin sister, Courtney.

Over time, due to simple access to Drisana and a dearth of her sister, that feeling has completely and irrevocably transferred to the lovely Drisana.

I have *always* been wrong about these things in the past, but yet needs must be fulfilled -- The dance is going on too long, and I must let her know my heart.

I suspect that she knows all to well my intents, it remains to be seen as to whether it be folly, or in all reality a damnation. It would mean crossing a line I drew for myself a very long time ago, or yet another reminder that my lot is not the same as other folk.

Whether her current situation be bad or good, my hand can upset it -- So I believe.

So here I sit, prepared to force things, if just for a little. I have been counseled to wait, and then wait some more. I am very good at this sort of thing. Waiting, you know. Most times I feel like an inmate, waiting for parole or release. But much like Andy Dufresne, I am at that point where I cannot help but let those two Italian ladies sing.

Am I willing to sit in the box for some time for my impending actions?

If in fact I am wrong about her feelings towards me, then yes -- Most certainly. If no one acts the clown, then where would the humor be?

Now, If I am correct that brings up a different circumstance altogether, Am I Woodrow Call or Augustus McCrae? Call would wait and never ever know, in an effort to be right as opposed to being certain. Gus on the other hand, would put a bullet through an invalid man's head in order to show the strength of his love for his lady fair. Where that invalid man was his lady fair's husband of many years.

That's not to say that Gus McCrae is a bad man, his only sin is that of sloth, he was lazy and non-committal and lost her not necessarily to another, but he lost her just the same. And in time, after realizing his mistake from so long ago, sought to rectify it in the only clumsy way he knew how.

I seek to avoid that fate.

I do. So often I have played the chorus, opting out of any spotlight whatsoever, relegating myself to being a face in the crowd. I am afraid for all involved that this will not be the case this time. I must let her know, even if she does already.

I must break this line, whether it be my doom or the doom of others, but there is a primal feeling that can no longer be denied, to play the fool or to catalyze the doom of others. The latter is well on the way, or so I would believe. This I suppose is my faith.

So much worry, for in all reality such a small thing. I only intend to tell her that I love her, and that I will wait for her forever.

Allow me, Daughter of the Sun, to speak my heart clearly and purely, that I might one day say that I did so.